Confession Of Depression
by Mara Phantomhive
Summary: Ciel is reminded of his past failures, being reminded of these things makes him want one more thing, one more thing he desires, all he wants now is,his own death. Who will grant his wish, will it be by his own hand or by an foes hand. What will Sebastian do when he figures out his young masters plan. what will blossom between the two during this trial? rated M because of self harm.
1. My last words

Mara: Hey, i wanted to redo both chapters so the plot changed and all the other things changed with it, but the story is still about Ciel being a sad emo and he and Sebastian get together but ya know :P

Ciel: *blushes* i don't like him

Mara:*giggles* -w- never said you did..

Sebastian: *snickers*

Ciel: ...Just get on with it *covers face*

Mara: alright alright...geesh.. Anyways disclamers will be at the end :D okay go on and read my little kittens (\(-w-)..speaking about kittens where is mine..

Pain spread threw me like a tidal wave, drowning me not letting me catch my breath. Why must this happen to me, all my failures are tailored into my mind. It mocks me every day, the crackling of the fire that killed my parents still echo's in my skull like a song on repeat. My heart clinches in my chest every time I think of them, I failed them, and I failed everyone. My eyes are always drowned in sorrow; my lips hardly pull into a real smile anymore, it's like im frozen.

It's like im not alive, but yet im still walking. How do I get out of this? Am I stuck in what people call depression, or is it a death wish? Every day is the same: Sebastian wakes me up, gives me tea, tells me my agenda, I do what is planned, eat, take a bath, and get ready for bed, Sleep.

Nothing special to get my mind off my parents, my failures and everything wrong. A sigh escapes my lips as I sit up in my empty bed. The light from the moon aluminates from the window giving me a bit of light so I could see. This room im in, it's like me in a way. It has its things to make it look alive but when night comes everything disappears making it empty inside, no sounds not even a single breath is heard.

I pull my knees to my chest as tears pricked at the corners of my eyes. I can't cry, because when it starts it might not stop. I don't know what time it is, its sill night out so it might be around 12 or 1 that gives me enough time to at least do something about this feeling. Exactly what should I do to cope with this? I got off of my bed and headed toward the restroom and looked in the mirror.

All I see is failures and flaws. I gritted my teeth as I raised my hand and punched the glass mirror. The sounds of the glass hitting the floor didn't catch my attention; it's the pain coming from my hand that catches it. I see blood slowly dripping from my knuckles; a gash adoringly lain on my ring finger bleeding heavily. For a moment I felt numb, just for a split second I felt nothing, I felt like I could breath. Then it all came tumbling back to me.

I grabbed a piece of glass looking at it, curious as to what it did. What do I do with this to make me feel that again, just then an idea popped into my mind. Closing my eyes tightly I gently pushed the sharpened glass onto my wrist, quickly as if it's nothing I slid it across as fast as lightning. Blood splattered on the wall, followed by a fountain of blood drizzling to the floor hitting my feet. The warmth of my blood on my feet made everything feel real. The blood that was leaving my body gave me feeling as though im still human and that im still alive.

This feeling, I cannot explain it. It is as though I can finally be free of my torcher if only for a minute.

The next thing I knew was the glass slipping from my bloodied hands and the fuzziness covering my eyes. My head was swimming with dizziness; sweat coated my brow and the lining of my hair. My knees gave out from beneath me and I collapsed to the ground hitting my head on the counter. A pained grunt fell from my throat and out from my lips as I hit the ground.

Was I dying? Where would I go, certainly not heaven, hell maybe? But I couldn't die yet, I still had my revenge to get. I didn't mean to do the thing I did, I was lost and still am. I'm confused and still am, im a lot of things but one thing is for sure, I do not give up.

There is only two things I can do, call for Sebastian and be questioned and scolded then mocked later on or face my doom and die like a pathetic nobody.

After what felt like eternity I made up what was left of my mind. I would call Sebastian.

Just as the world around me turned black and my heart rate had slowed, the only thing escaping my lips as though they were my last, was him and only he shall be my last thought and last thing I say.

"S…Sebastian...save me."

My world now cold and lonely is only the beginning.

Mara: So guys, tell me what you think!

Ciel: why do i have to be the depressed emo!

Mara: yeah...Ciel isn't all that happy abou this...oh well you didn't agree to my last story so go suck it !

Ciel *Mumbles under breath*

Mara: *glares* What'd ya just say!

Sebastian: Now now, Mara Doesn't own My Master or My self or anything from the black butler manga or anime show.

Mara: Thanks Sebastian,... hey aren't you suppoused to be getting ready for the next chapter! Go man, GO! alrighty then guys leave me a comment and please favorite it :D i worked hard on this new ONE chapter ! Dx


	2. Chapter 2: moon guardian

Mara: HEY! sorry for the wait, i really don't know what to do with this story xD but ill make this chapter longer since you waited so long

Ciel: Btw Mara doesn't own Black Butler, or she would have undertaker show off his chest (gags at the thought) the only thing she owns is the plot to this fanatic.

Mara: not my fault undertaker is so damn hot xD anyway on with the story

A snowy abyss

Everything was dark and the room was cold.I wasn't cold really i was actually quite warm it was just the room that was.I tried siting up but when i did pain shot threw me like wild fire in the driest day of fall. Then i noticed my breathing, i was as if something was on top of me crushing the life out of me. That's when I felt something wet drop over me, i looked up at the never ending black abyss to see what it was. Snow. Snow was falling, the snow flakes fell on my pale skin making it oddly easier to breath.

A light caught my gaze, my eyes slowly drifted to it slightly crunching as the light hit my eyes. A woman was standing in front of him in a long black and mid night blue dress, a silver white crescent moon laid fondly on her chest. Her small hands were covered in a dark blue elbow length glove it hugging her pale skin lovingly. Thin pale glossed lips were etched into a sad smile as black hair retched the mid of her back, a pure white laid at the ends of her hair making her pale blue eyes shine brighter than any star. This woman, was prettier than any woman he had ever seen before.

The snow that fell didn't hit her, almost as if she were wearing a shield around her small figure. I could tell she was about 5.6 ft high making her taller than me by only one inch. She looked to be about 16 a year older than i was. who was she exactly.

I opened my mouth to ask exactly that question when a small yet firm voice retched his pierced ears. **  
**

"Ciel Phantomhive. I am Lona or if you want , The moon guardian or goddess . Instead of the moon i shall be your guardian, you have passed on by loss of blood... this is what humans call limbo." She gestured to the abyss of falling snow.

"My quest is to help you threw what is in the future. I myself do not know of it yet for i am not my twin sister who knows all. She is the sun goddess Brigid, she is beautiful indeed." a bright smile found her lips.

"Ciel, you must wake up now, your soul has already been reincarnated, shocking no?" she giggled as she faded

"No! wait! Please don't leave me alone!" i yelled frantically, i was scared and i was ready to admit it, where was Sebastian, why hadn't he eaten my soul! so many questions she didn't let me ask or gave any answers.

a small whisper was heard in he darkness "Ciel, my dear, like i have said. Im now your new guardian, i shall always be there, ill always protect you, ill make you forget what you wish to be forgotten. We, are now dare i say it, friends. You don't know me but i know you, since you were first born in the world...no...my sweet friend, its time for your soul to find peace and get what you have always dreamed of."

Tears filled my eyes as Latin words filled the darkness.

"Renascatur novus erit velut luna, ut male tibi tutorem manuductione projecisti me. Spatium et tempus nullo me. Sit castitas lacrimarum implere ignoti nulla ultricies. Amoris es tu cor meum ibi fixa i ... et facient in te esse voluerit, vera est, quia ego bonus sum ... custos luna."

As those words hit my ears my eyes drooped back and i fell toward the floor, a warm filling over powered me making me fall back into a deep sleep, not noticing the new eyes like fire dancing in the distance.

Mara: xD weird chapter huh ? oh and what the Latin is supposed to say is this : "Like the moon you shall be reborn a new, as me as your guardian ill guid you threw. Space and time won't slow me down. Let your tears of purity fill the glass of the unknown void. You're heart shall be fixed you're love will be there for i... will make any of you're wishes come true, for i am ... the guardian of the moon" guess who the Guardians roll will be and who it is and ill put you in one of the chapters and along with one of the black butler guys or girls XD ps. Undertakers mine so 0-0 yeah

Ciel: And Sebastian is mine -.-

Mara: haha -w- we know Ciel...we all know

Ciel *blushes and eats cake to get calmed back down*

Mara: snickers* anyway i hope you enjoyed this chapter let me know how this went and ill make a new chapter during my brake :D goodbye my kittens! speaking about kittens...mines asleep curled on my bed x3 how cute


	3. Chapter 3

**Hey its me Mara! i just wanted you guys to know that i have made a new account and i am re writing this story. my new profile is called I am Mystery**

**btw, my real name is mystery**


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